What does Love mean? This is one of the most asked questions in Google. I am sure many asks themselves this question several times as well.
And, those questions changes with our situation.
In early adulthood, people start to create their own narrative identities, which is mostly based on their past and predicted future, as per research of McAdams, D. P. in 2013. In our mind we often question ourselves and our judgements.
If we are single – “why am I single?” “Am I going to die alone?” “What am I doing wrong?”.
If we are in love- “Did I choose the right one?” and many more.
These questions also change with our experience with people.
For some people Love is a secure feeling, it gives the chance to share your feelings. For some it’s a give and take relationship – “you take care of me, I take care of you. For some it’s all about respect, for some it’s a friendship.
So, the first question is what is in it for you? Are you looking for care? Understanding? Freedom? Life Long Partner?
As a human being we are thirsty for love. Well, most of us. But we often forget that, love is not just about a relationship between a man & a woman. It’s much more than that. We are getting love from our parents, friends, well-wishers, siblings, but naturally that doesn’t count much. Our instincts are designed in such a way, that we will always look for our life partner.
In the book of Love, sex, and intimacy: Their psychology, biology, and history; it shows that female values of emotion and soul consciousness have been driven from culture to culture in this male dominated world.
It’s a commitment that secures our feelings and sometimes it’s just physical need. Definition varied from person to person; culture to culture.
According to Johnson, R. A. (1983); social psychology, marriage and the family, human sexuality, intimacy, and interpersonal relationships is explained through research. A beautiful research to understand this complicated subject.
Are you in a bad relationship?
Love is a beautiful feeling, that helps us to move forward. So if you are in a relationship that is giving you pain continuously and you’ve tried to fix in many times; then this is your time to rethink your decision.
This is not my opinion, several research conducted on this topic.
XIMENA B. ARRIAGA, ELIZABETH S. SLAUGHTERBECK, NICOLE M. CAPEZZA, AND JILLIAN L. HMUROVIC explained in their research paper – From bad to worse: Relationship commitment and vulnerability to partner imperfections.
“Their data suggest that relationship threats make feelings of uncertainty particularly salient for less committed couple members, which causes low satisfaction. In this way, low satisfaction may breed reductions in commitment, spawning a downward trajectory of more doubt and increasingly negative relationship outcomes. In short, the absence of a position of strength not only creates a less than ideal relationship (e.g., one characterized by less commitment) but also exposes a person to having the relationship worsen when faced with negative partner information—that is, things go from bad to worse.”
What do I think about love? Well, to me love is happiness and comfort. Where you don’t have to sacrifice your own self. Some sacrifices will be necessary to understand and adjust with each other. But these shouldn’t kill your inner self.
Be Loved and Spread Love.
Reference:
- Hatfield, E., & Rapson, R. L. (1993). Love, sex, and intimacy: Their psychology, biology, and history. HarperCollins College Publishers.
- Johnson, R. A. (1983). We: Understanding the psychology of romantic love. Harper & Row Publishers.
- McAdams, D. P. (2013). The psychological self as actor, agent, and author. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 8, 272–295. doi:10.1177/1745691612464657
Written By: Sharmin Rahman
Edited By: Alimul Khadem
Image: TJ
